


Not the Way It Was

by NotLostAnymore



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Loki Wins, Angst, Drabble, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 06:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1768672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotLostAnymore/pseuds/NotLostAnymore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They lose New York first. Then it's their hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Way It Was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unsettled](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsettled/gifts).



Steve has never LET himself to be the cocky kind of guy, especially when it comes to fighting and war. He knows that he’d good at what he does, sure, but he’s never thought he was the best. He was just another soldier fighting for the good of humanity just like the men to his left and right. It had been that way back in the 40’s and it had been like that in New York.

New York had been different though. Steve hadn’t been cocky about his own skills – his head was still on right – but he’d allowed himself to put too much faith in the team. The others were incredible people and amazing fighters, in Steve’s eyes it wasn’t too farfetched to presume they’d pull through. Loki was just one crazy god wannabe and sure he had an army of aliens but that didn’t mean anything to Steve. He had heroes at his side, both super-powered and completely mortal, and in his experience good had always triumphed over evil.

That had been his first mistake.

The waves of Chitauri never stopped coming. The portals proved impossible to close. For the first time since a rough encounter in a dark alley back in 1943, Steve felt entirely useless. There was nothing he could do but help evacuate the city and hope that back-up from the army would help them reclaim New York. Loki’s reach expanded outward though until he’d taken the entire East Coast with his army and Steve found himself getting pushed further back with each crushing defeat. No matter how many reinforcements were called in Loki always seemed to have greater numbers and there was no way the army’s guns could match whatever weapons the Chitauri were using. SHIELD’s Phase Two weapons were in limited supply and their power was limited against the endless waves of opponents.

Steve took the ongoing defeat worse than the rest. His optimism had been beaten into the ground and left in pieces somewhere back in Boston when they’d been forced to retreat yet again. Tony remained as cynical as ever and Steve found himself agreeing with the other man more than he would have ever believed. In the hazy world of destruction Loki had created around them, Steve had finally found some common ground with Tony but that was the only positive he could see from this situation. It didn’t take long for them to fall into bed together, desperate to feel something in their cold and empty world. Pepper’s plane had been shot out of the air barely minutes after Loki had claimed New York and Tony had never really recovered. He put up a brave face, acted like it meant nothing but Steve could see through the cracks of his façade. He could see how broken Tony really was, it was exactly how he’d felt after he’d woken up and realized that Peggy was lost to him.

“If you need to talk—” Steve had started only for Tony to crush their lips together. It had caught him by surprise but before he could even second guess what he was doing, his hands had found their way into Tony’s hair, grabbing at it as they fought for control. Steve easily overpowered the other, pressing him against the wall and kissing down Tony’s neck until they were practically tearing the clothes off one another. They didn’t bother to be silent and nobody bugged them. There was no teasing the next day as there might have been if things were different because things weren’t. This was the life they had now and everybody had just accepted it. Tony and Steve in bed together was hardly the weirdest thing that had ever happened to any of them.

 

~

 

Thor was the first of their group to get captured. He’d returned to New York City in a futile attempt to reason with his brother. They had convinced him that it was impossible, that it was a suicide mission. They were half right. Just a few days later every screen in North America showed the same image – six glass cages hanging over Times Square just like the ones SHIELD had made to contain the Hulk. Trapped inside one of them was Thor. Steve already knew who the other five cages were for.

 

~

 

Bruce was the next of their group to get caught. He was jumped while they helped evacuate a small town in Ohio and had been hit by so many stunners before he could Hulk out that Steve was honestly surprised the other man’s heart hadn’t given out. He’d fought like hell to get at his friend but there were just too many Chitauri in his way and he was forced to watch as Bruce was carried further and further away. The next day he was in one of the cages above Times Square. Even the Hulk couldn’t break out.

 

~

 

“You think we’ll ever get New York back?” Clint asked one day when it was just the four of them sat around in front of the television. Steve couldn’t help but blame himself every time he saw Bruce’s broken face on the screen.

“Not the way it was,” he said finally when nobody else provided an answer. Clint just grunted and downed the bottle of beer he was drinking from. Everybody had their own way of coping – Steve had Tony and Clint had beer. Natasha was the only one who stayed remotely the same, spending most of her time down at the firing range even though she was always a perfect shot. Steve could tell it was affecting her though, there was something even darker behind her eyes that she just couldn’t let out.

As their friends fell beside them, left to be contained and mocked by Loki, Steve and Tony turned to each other more than ever. After every day they fell into bed with desperate kisses and erotic touches in the hope that it would make them feel anything other than the empty sense of failure they’d all felt since New York. They never spoke about what they were doing but Steve didn’t think they needed to. They were both adults, they knew the risks of being together in such a messed up world and they were choosing to take those risks.

 

~

 

Clint was next to be taken.

Steve didn’t think he’d ever seen Natasha look so broken before. They’d been running an evacuation operation together and Clint had told her to lead the evacuees while he brought up the rear. She’d had no idea that Loki had gotten him until they got back to base and she realized that she’d not only lost half of the people they’d attempted to save but she’d also lost Clint. The murderous look in her eye when she saw Clint in his cage made Steve worry she was about to do something but Natasha had a strange way of holding herself together. She knew what needed to be done – what the team needed of her – and she wasn’t about to turn her back on them to fulfil a vendetta, not yet at least.

 

~

 

“She’s gonna snap,” Tony said one day as the two of them watched Natasha on the firing range.

“She won’t.” Steve was lying to himself and he knew it. Everybody snapped, even people like Natasha who always seemed so strong. Hell, Steve was pretty sure he’d started snapping back in New York and had been breaking into more and more pieces every day since then.

“If anything gets me—” Tony started but he didn’t get any further as Steve raised his hands to silence the other.

“Don’t.” It wasn’t Steve would allow himself to consider. He knew that it was the worst time in the world to get attached to someone but the truth was that Tony had somehow worked his way into Steve heart and he didn’t want to know how he’d react if he had it torn out again.

In order to stop the conversation, Steve just grabbed Tony by the shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. It was just as desperate and as needy as their others because suddenly Steve was fuelled by the horrible thought of _what if I lost Tony?_ It wasn’t a world Steve would ever want to live in. When they returned to their shared room that night Steve gave Tony everything he had, working on the other’s body for hours until they were too exhausted to go on and fell to sleep in each other’s arms.

 

~

 

Steve didn’t have to wait long to find out what he’d do without Tony. Natasha had been itching to do something for days and had finally bugged Tony enough for him to volunteer a rescue op in a nearby town. Steve had been uneasy about them going but Tony had assured him that he’d be fine, that he’d be back in a couple of hours and they’d be okay. Natasha even promised she’d keep Tony safe for him.

A couple of hours later, Natasha was the only person to return. She was covered in blood, barely able to limp forward as she cradled a broken arm and probably half a dozen other injuries. Her look said everything Steve needed to know. If he’d been breaking since New York, he was now completely broken. There was nothing left for him to become.

Tony was in his cage barely a few hours later. Steve couldn’t bring himself to look.

“We’ll get him back,” Natasha assured him that night, sounding very confident for somebody whose body had been beaten to what was practically its limits. “We’ll get them all back.”

Steve just nodded. He didn’t know what to say anymore. He couldn’t really believe any of this was even happening.

They really had lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, really hope this is to your liking! Sorry it's so angst-y, I kinda took the concept and ran with it!


End file.
